Detachment- What is it after all?
***I sure have come a long way from the last three years. Lots have changed, pages and chapters have turned in my book, transformative phase in the pipeline. Rephrasing my experience with detachment and sharing it with you in a very candid way. I had originally written a very short post on detachment in 2017, here’s the new one, all flat out, straight from the heart, and soaked with full transparency.
It’s been a while now. For days and months, my mind has been very restless, chagrined thoughts, jittery emotions with constant tossing, and turning on my pillow at night. Eyes wide open, staring at the walls and then jumping off the bed as sleep has decided not to be my good friend. Glassy-eyed I get up, sip some water, take a few deep breaths, count my 3-2-1, try to get into the meditative mode, but nothing helps. I take a few steps to the window, open the blinds, and gaze at the full bright shining moon with my new glasses. I am wonderstruck. I am in awe just admiring that huge silver-white celestial element all away up in the sky amidst the gleaming stars. The universe seemed to be in perfect harmony: no noise, just peace, stillness, and tranquility.
I tread back to my bed, get cuddled up with my warm fuzzy blanket with the hope that I will zonk out and get a shut-eye. Nah- did not work, one question just kept hitting my brain why can’t human relationships be in unison, in sync, quadrated, and chiming in with the same notes? I zone out again; my gray cells agonize with the disconcerting thought of the most challenging creature on this planet- humans, which obviously includes me as well! I get psyched up and question myself, why do I have to be so flustered for everyone around me? I feel off-balance, fazed out, and entirely out of countenance. Am I responsible for other’s thoughts and actions? Absolutely not!
I am a very passionate person by heart. I will always give it my all or will completely shut off if I have to. There is no middle point, and that’s where I get messed-up. Well, that’s me! My family, friends, work, activities, you name it, either 100% or none at all.
Like I had mentioned in my previous blog, Story- kaháni, we all have our script, our personal saga to narrate, I have one too. Last few years, a bunch of incidents hit me hard like a rattle ball and completely shook me. I was baffled. I was befuddled. Not to sound dramatic, let’s say I felt I was shot to pieces and was all muddled up.
Have you ever felt that the entire world will come to an end if you are not around? I had that false impression for the longest time till it dawned on me, and I said to myself, are you kidding me! It’s not that way; the wheel of the universe keeps rolling with or without you. I was oblivious to the bare facts and the legitimacy of life. Get that straight and cement it in your brain! It hurts, but that’s the ultimate underlying truth.
I wanted to walk away from the realms of attachments that bind us and skew our perceptions of different aspects of life.
What is detachment? What is unattachment? Why do all the holy sages talk about it all the time?
Let me be clear; I have no intention of renouncing, going to a forest, and adapt to a hermetic life. No, certainly not! That’s not what I am craving in my life. I want to be with ME; however, be independent of all the external surroundings that cause major conflict in thoughts. Is this possible? Self is the priority, is that being selfish? I obviously do not want to be dictated or bulldozed in my actions.
All my life, I have been drawn towards The Buddha, his innate self, his spiritual teachings, and the aura he carried all over. His soul was so angelic, divine, and sanctified to the core. Well, I understand that none of us are like that, but the least we can do is incorporate the revered teachings into our lives.
Detachment doesn’t mean I am trying less hard. It just means that the fears and emotions that used to torment and paralyze me longer have the same power over me- Kelly Cultrone
I loved the above quote.
So how do I un-attach myself was the biggest dilemma for me now!
Lots of hard work, working continuously on self, commotion in mind, havoc in full swing, and a bag full of conflicting emotions- that’s what it takes. It’s a very long, tedious process, but the results are ladened with the sweet nectar-like ambrosia. Go for it; I heard that inner voice that pushed me onto the path that I am on now.
Attachment is the great fabricator of illusions; reality can be obtained only by someone who is detached!
― Simone Weil
I constantly felt that by being attached, I had this insane urge to control, to be in command, or would go crazy if things didn’t go my way—the wrong approach for sure. To change that thought process, I decided to shift my cognitive power, mused over, theorized, and got into some deep introspection. There was no turning back now, all marching forward.
I feel attachment is one of the vaguest and most ambiguous inter-relationships that can be explained in words. We get deeply involved and intertwined in the threads of emotions. We meet, exchange vibrations, carry over the energy, have a great time, and part ways with the expectation to have another meeting. Expectations drown and crucify us. Well, what if we don’t meet again? We will be heartbroken and will be prey to all the vulnerabilities that can vulture us down.
Please get it right; one doesn’t have to be a recluse or be in a solitary mode to practice the art of detachment. It merely means to be present in the world with open eyes, perform your acts, play your role gracefully, be transcendental, being zealously aloof, eventually bloom like a flower amongst the petals and thorns around. We, as humans, can attain gregarious heights but are victims of the bondages of attachment.
Material things, experiences, thoughts, emotions, and sense of time should not own us; instead, we should take charge and be the soulful owner of ourselves without any expectations in return.
Laugh till your jaws drop, have a positive aura, bring out the best in yourself and others, create boundaries, be categorically clear in your intentions, don’t hold on, and most of all, stay in your lane.
The most significant achievement for me so far- I have learned, rather, learning is to be the bigger person, not necessarily meaning to accept the wrong or things as is. It merely implies that I am in agreement with myself, in accord with the universe, nothing owns me, and am simpatico with a simple flowing thought- Be affectionately detached to all!
Have to admit- I sleep like a baby now, all snuggled up in my blanket, eyes fully shut, in my dream zone with the comforting thought that I own myself- has been a big price to pay but how can I ever abandon myself?
Can you, think about it?
Love, peace, and blessings!